I suppose it's wrong to be angry.
In fact, I'm quite sure it is.
She is, after all, my mother.
But am I a jerk because I refuse to fall victim to the collosal "Alcohol is a disease," lie?
Sure, tell the victims of families who lost loved ones who were killed by a drunk driver that the staggering drunk owner of the shiny sportscar that took away someone's life is not at fault. Oh no, they had a disease that flung them to the liquor store, and forced them to buy alcohol, and then, by god, forced the stuff down their throats. Oh, and THEN, it strapped them into a car and put their foot to the petal.
How about taking responsibilities for you actions. In the end, you choose. You CHOOSE to buy alcohol. You choose to consume alcohol. You choose to physically pick up a drink and empty its contents down your throat.
The so-called "disease," is no Catholic School nun that smacks you with a ruler and forces you to throw back drinks.
It's you. Accept it.
My entire life, I've pictured addicts.
I imagine what kind of broken homes they most grow up in, and what awful family conditions they are subject to.
In my mind, addicts didn't bake cookies on their kids' first day of school or take their sons to sports practice and help their kids with homework.
They didn't smile, or laugh, or walk the planet like normal people.
Until I realized that addiction has no face.
And that the same "perfect" suburban mom that heads my family was just a skein of yarn, rapidly unraveling.
And now, there is little left.
No happiness, no activity, no will to live.
No discipline, no willpower.
No maternal instinct, no first-day of school cookies.
Just an empty shell, that stumbles around the house, talking to the cat, that occasionally reminds me what a failure I am.
But of course, I'm the bad person.
I'm wrong for being angry and hating her.
I'm wrong for thinking that she's damaging me, and is responsible for taking about my youth and innocence.
You know what I say?
Talk to me when you've had to pick your mother up, half naked off the floor, while she asks you if you need directions to work.
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1 comment:
I understand your frustration. I think the whole "Alcohol is a Disease" is a bit stretched and over exaggerated. You are correct in the sense of that YOU choose to buy the alcohol and to poor it down your throat repeatedly.
But I think what it's meant by that it's a disease is that it's an addiction that runs in family genes. The weird thing about it is that in some people it "awakens" and in others it doesn't. I guess it's called a disease because of that. I really honestly have no clue.
On top of that up to an extent most people do have control on they're drinking habits. While others don't because it has just gotten so bad that they don't care anymore and they feel the need to just feed that addiction non-stop to try to tame it I guess you could say.
These are just my personal thoughts/views. I never exactly had an alcoholic in my family. Unless you consider my brother. Though he was more of a drug addict then an alcoholic. Either way I think you understand what I'm trying to say whether you disagree with them or not.
I'm not saying that your wrong for saying it's a lie. I'm just saying that today's society has out stretched it way too much.
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